PART 2
“Nothing,” he said quickly. “Just busy.”
Then he changed the subject.
I assumed he was nervous.
New fathers got nervous.
At least, that was what I told myself.
During the final ultrasound, the technician slowly moved the wand along the baby’s spine.
Then she paused.
Only for a moment.
But I noticed.
Her hand stayed still over the lower back slightly longer than usual.
Then she smiled, moved on, and told us everything looked fine.
Melissa didn’t seem to notice.
But Ryan did.
He stared at the monitor with an expression I couldn’t understand.
He barely spoke on the drive home.
Weeks later, I was lying in the delivery room gripping Nurse Bianca’s hand.
“One more push, Ivy. You’ve got this.”
I pushed with everything left in me.
Then suddenly, the room filled with a newborn’s cry.
My niece.
I laughed and cried at the same time.
“She’s perfect.”
I looked toward Ryan.
“Go hold your daughter.”
Ryan approached slowly.
The nurse wrapped the baby and placed her in his arms.
Everyone else stepped away for a moment to give the new parents some privacy.
I watched my brother look at his daughter for the first time.
Then I watched his expression change.
It wasn’t joy.
It wasn’t shock either.
It looked more like something inside him had switched off.
His shoulders dropped.
His lips parted.
Then he adjusted the blanket and looked carefully at the baby’s back.
“Ryan?”
He didn’t answer.
Melissa wiped tears from her cheeks.
“Give her to me. I want to hold her.”
Ryan still didn’t move toward his wife.
Instead, he looked at me.
His face had gone pale.
Then he said something in a flat, unfamiliar voice.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t take her home.”
The room became completely silent.
I stared at him.
“What did you just say?”
“I can’t take her home.”
Melissa’s smile remained frozen for a second.
“What are you talking about? Ryan, give me the baby.”
He looked at his wife.
Then at me.
And finally said the words that shattered the entire room.
“I can’t do this. I’m giving her up. I’m not taking her home.”
Then he placed the baby back into my arms.
My body was still shaking from labor.
I could barely process what was happening.
“Ryan, this is your daughter.”
Melissa was already standing.
“Why?” she demanded. “Why won’t you take our daughter home?”
My brother refused to look at her.
Instead, he stared at the floor.
Then he whispered,
“Look at her back.”
Until that moment, I hadn’t noticed anything.
Carefully, I turned the baby slightly and lowered the blanket.
Near the base of her spine was a small raised reddish area covered by skin.
No bigger than a coin.
My stomach turned.
I had read enough pregnancy information to recognize what it might be.
“Spina bifida,” I whispered.
Melissa screamed.
Not cried.
Screamed.
“The ultrasounds were normal! They said she was healthy!”
Ryan still wouldn’t look at anyone.
Nurse Bianca rushed into the room with another nurse.
Melissa was falling apart.
And then my brother did something I never imagined he could do.
He walked out.
He simply turned around, left the delivery room, and disappeared down the hallway.
I sat there, exhausted and still connected to monitors, holding a newborn baby whose parents had just emotionally collapsed.
Nurse Bianca crouched beside me.
“Ivy, look at me. Breathe.”
I looked down at the little girl.
She had already stopped crying.
Her tiny mouth opened and closed softly.
I pulled her closer.
“You’re not going anywhere,” I whispered. “Do you hear me? Nobody is abandoning you.”
At that moment, I believed Ryan had rejected his daughter because of her diagnosis.
Three days later, I discovered the truth was much uglier.
My kitchen felt like a courtroom.
Ryan stood on one side of the counter.
I stood on the other wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, surviving on almost no sleep.
The baby was asleep in a bassinet near the window.
I had started calling her Hope.
Gabriel was asleep down the hallway beneath his favorite dinosaur blanket.
“You don’t get to suddenly appear here,” I told Ryan.
“Ivy, please. Just let me explain.”
“Explain?”
I pointed toward the bassinet.
“I’ve been awake since four this morning taking care of the daughter you left in my arms.”
He flinched.
Good.
I wanted those words to hurt.
“The doctors started talking about surgery,” he said. “Therapy. Specialists. Braces. Years of treatment.”
“She’s your daughter.”
“I know.”
“You held her for maybe ten seconds before handing her back like something you wanted refunded.”
“I know.”
I gripped the kitchen counter.
“The doctor called yesterday. Her condition is manageable. She may need surgery and therapy, but she has every chance of having a full life.”
Ryan looked down.
“That isn’t what I was thinking.”
“Then what were you thinking?”
He sat on one of the kitchen stools.
And suddenly, my brother seemed to collapse in on himself.
Then he said,
“I lost my job.”
I stared at him.
“What?”
“Four months ago.”
My anger briefly disappeared beneath confusion.
“What do you mean you lost your job?”
“Right after the second-trimester scan.”
Then he said the part that made everything worse.
“Melissa doesn’t know.”
I stared at him.
“Ryan.”
“Every morning, I put on my shirt and tie like I’m going to work. Then I sit in a coffee shop until five.”
He rubbed his face.
“I send applications. I’ve had two interviews. Neither went anywhere.”
I thought about all the times I had seen him checking his phone.
“The appointments.”
“I was applying for jobs.”
Then I remembered the nursery.
“The crib. The clothes. Everything.”
“Credit cards.”
“How many?”
“Three.”
He looked ashamed.
“Melissa thinks we used savings.”
“There are no savings?”
“Not anymore.”
I sat down because suddenly my legs felt weak.
“So when the doctor mentioned surgeries…”
Ryan stared at the floor.
“I didn’t see my daughter.”
His voice cracked.
“I saw another bill I couldn’t afford on top of all the bills Melissa doesn’t even know exist.”
I felt sick.
Then he said something that made me furious all over again.
“When I saw the diagnosis, I realized I could use it.”
I stared at him.
“What?”
“Melissa would think I panicked because of the baby.”
“You were going to let your wife believe you rejected your own daughter because of a medical condition?”
Ryan looked at me with tears in his eyes.
“She would never have to know I had already failed her.”
“To protect your pride?”
“To protect her from me.”
“That’s the same thing.”
He covered his face.
For several seconds, I didn’t know whether I wanted to hug him or throw him out.
I loved my brother.
In that moment, I hated what he had done.
“All those appointments,” I whispered. “All the times you were on your phone.”
“I was looking for work.”
“And you said nothing.”
“I was terrified.”
Hope made a small noise from the bassinet.
Neither of us moved.
I looked directly at him.
“You used your daughter as an escape route.”
Ryan closed his eyes.
“Yes.”
“Say it properly.”
He hesitated.
“Say it, Ryan.”
His voice broke.
