After my husband di3d, our eight-year-old daughter stopped caring about the football team they had once loved together.

So when she finally asked to watch a game again, I knew something inside her was beginning to heal.

And when she later asked if we could see the team play in person, I spent months putting money aside so I could make it happen.

I thought the most difficult part of that day would be sitting in a stadium without her father beside us.

I was wrong.

My daughter Kelly learned football from her dad, Austin.

I had never understood the obsession.

To me, football was a group of enormous men running into each other while everyone around me shouted at the television.

But to Austin and Kelly, it was practically a language.

Every Sunday, our living room became their private classroom.

Austin would point toward the television and ask, “Okay, what does the safety do?”

When Kelly was six, she once narrowed her eyes at the screen and answered seriously, “Stops people from being safe?”

Austin nearly fell off the couch laughing.

“Close enough for today.”

Kelly quickly learned something else too.

Exactly how to manipulate her father into letting her stay awake past bedtime.

“Dad, the game isn’t finished.”

“It’s bedtime.”

“But you said fourth quarters build character.”

Austin would turn toward me.

“Did I actually say that?”

I would shrug.

“You probably did.”

Kelly would grin.

And somehow she always got another twenty minutes.

By seven, she could name players, coaches, positions, and penalties better than most adults I knew.

Sometimes she corrected Austin before he even finished explaining a play.

Football belonged to them.

I usually sat on the opposite end of the couch pretending to understand why they were yelling.

Then, last year, Austin died in a car accident.

That morning, he had kissed me goodbye.

He reminded Kelly to finish her spelling homework.

A few hours later, a police officer appeared at my door.

Everything after that felt painfully quiet.

Kelly stopped asking about football.

Austin’s team jersey remained folded across the back of his favorite chair exactly where he had left it.

Neither of us moved it.

Every Sunday, Kelly still sat beside me.

But instead of watching television, she often stared at the empty cushion where her father used to sit.

I kept expecting to hear him in rooms that stayed silent.

Then, about six months after the accident, Kelly walked into the kitchen while I was preparing lunch.

“Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“What time does the game start?”

I turned around.

“What game?”

She gave me the same exasperated look Austin used to give me.

“Dad’s team.”

My chest tightened.

“Oh.”

I checked my phone.

“Four-thirty.”

She hesitated.

“Can we watch it?”

I tried not to make too much of the moment.

“Of course.”

Kelly quietly walked into the living room.

Then she picked up Austin’s jersey and pulled it over her head.

It nearly reached her knees.

CONTINUE READING